THIRTY2 . 3TWO.

THIRTY2 . 3TWO.

"And here you are, a brood of sinners,
standing in the place of your fathers and making the LORD even more angry with You.

"If you turn away from following him, he will again leave you in the desert, and you will be the cause of your destruction."

"so here i am being 32 with all the sin living in my world with no heading in life disobeying my allah .

"n allah will leave me alone n let me destroy myself. then??
why am i fell not so sure in my life?? "

"its all writen in his book n all that i choose to do/make r also
writen then what am i suppose to do??"

well.....

I think I have interest in my childhood because when I was a child,
it was the last time I am ever happy. As we getting older, we become more and more unhappy..


We see more and more terrible state of the world, and the terrible things it does to us.. And that we do back to the world..

Our childhood becomes more and more perfect. In itself isn't so.., but the experience of it...

As for the Japanese have this phrase, 'Mono No Aware', which means 'the Sadness of Things', that this life is not as it should be and we know that's the case and so we desperately try and find a time when the world was as we pictured it as a child, full of marvels, mysteries, full of wonder, full of joy and immanence.

I think that one of the most important things about humans and humanity, there, is that we carry within us a belief in redemption, that we can redeem ourselves somehow, and I think, harking back to the innocence of childhood, there's one way that we start to do that.

For myself, when I think back to a girlfriend that I used to go out with, in my 19's of aged or whatever, now I think about her with incredible longing and love and think how perfect it was.


But of course the reality wasn't like that at all, which is why we split up. So we paint the past in a way that appeals to our sense of recovering the paradise that we've lost.

I happen to believe that there is infinite mileage to be obtained from a limited resource
that we have. Take a look at the sky sometime.


How do you describe what you see? It is never the same experience twice. It's a constant, prominent and permanent part of every ones experience.

Yet when we look at it, do we all experience the same thoughts and feelings?
so like the sky that's always change, so that's what life is all about ...i think .

my life in stagnant

have you ever in the situation of life on still mode??,


where you living your life in and out

everyday but you ait going anywhere?

well as for me my life rite now are at stall.!!!!!



im trying to move foward but im bound to a promise that i have made to a fren
and i cant betray him......
and for that i unable to do the thing i wanna do
and time goesby ,
and im growing older..my life getting sad and mono color ..no more those colorfull thought or dreams that i understand, no more funny quote come out from my mouth...

everything that i said is boring even for me listerning to myself make me wanna die.....
kill myself ,beat the hell out of me and all....

i hate my self.... so if you read this and have somethin to share wit me please do so....i appriciate it very much..... so i can have a better life


.A good Guru is not just a teacher, but also a student...
I don't know everything, but I am willing to learn.

"Are you chasing your dreams? Or are your dreams chasing you?"

my view on world

well let us talk about time....

they say when you having fun time fly very the cepat ...
when u just get there and its the end... isn't that suck??

well what is time??
why r we so stuck with this time thing??



cant we just go on n on n on well if you r tired get a nap then ....
but i think nap is wasting your time>> hehehe..

im getting older n cant turn back time,
so how the earth r we gonna do this ??? living??





you got 24 the hour then you have to take away 8 to 10 for being dead(n gome to heavan)i mean sleep.....(doing nothing, AGAIN) .

so you left with what 12 to werk with that is less 8 to 10 again (working for the money,yeah she work hard for the money, so hard for it hooney, )






and then hmm 2 to 4 just to stressly figure out how to have fun??
aint that a beoutch!!!















so time to emit its a waste... the end.











you want more.???
I want more. WE want more. JUST ENJOY.

my DEAMON inside

tell me..

Midway upon the journey of our life(im 32)
I found myself within a forest dark,(mydreams)
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.(allah)
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say(im speachless)



What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,(kul city)
Which in the very thought renews the fear.(in me)
So bitter is it, death is little more;(to come)
But of the good to treat, which there I found,(none)



Speak will I of the other things I saw there.(all the lies)
I cannot well repeat how there I entered,(to my problem)
So full was I of slumber at the moment(high with extacy)
In which I had abandoned the true way.(of living)



so tell me.....

how am i suppose to live this live?????